Pain
by Parldro
Summary: Jenna has had it rough from the start. Nothing goes right for her until she meets Daryl Dixon, but things don't stay that way. A certain Officer Walsh comes into the picture and changes everything. (Starts before the apocalypse and continues into season 1/2, I suck at summaries) M for swearing, horror and minor adult situations.
1. So it begins

My life was fucked up right from the start. Growing up poor Georgia trash was the first knock against me. We moved around the state all my early life that I can remember so we were always taught not to put down roots. We moved just outside of Atlanta when my twin brother and I were ten. My mother had just died so amazingly my father was making a feeble attempt to comfort me and my siblings with what he considered normalcy. Of course even living in the same place for years couldn't change the fact that we were not normal. I'd have been surprised if my father even knew how many children he had much less what our names were. There was my oldest brother Michael who'd taken off at age sixteen (just after our mother died), and we never heard from him again. Then came myself and my twin brother Casey followed by Zachary two years later, then Mariah sixteen months after Zach and finally the second set of twins Annabelle and Dean three years after Mariah. So being a single father to six children under the age of twelve wasn't exactly my dad's idea of fun so ten months after my mother died he dumped us on our "uncles" porch and took off. I guess he could have just run and never thought about what happened to us but life with my uncle wasn't a whole lot better. He was an abusive drug addict alcoholic with a part time prostitute wife, not exactly an awesome father figure.

It wasn't a week after my dad ditched us that the beatings started. It could be something as simple as one of the little ones spilling their juice and whooping's all around. As the oldest Casey and I ended up stepping up and taking the punishment for everyone. Even at twelve we both knew we were already broken beyond repair and we'd be damned if that happened to our little brothers and sisters. My "aunt" kept us out of school by telling everyone she was home schooling us, but that was just code for using us as indentured servants. We cooked, cleaned, and watched the four younger kids while our "aunt" worked and our "uncle" got drunk while dealing drugs out of the garage. So many things in my life are a blur but I'll never forget the first time I met the Dixon's. Oddly enough they were the only people I ever felt I could totally be myself around. They knew the life I'd come from and they'd seen the abuse and had suffered through it themselves. We understood each other in a way no one else could.

It was a blistering hot July day the summer I turned thirteen when Casey and I were cleaning the house before letting the little ones out to play in the yard. We finished early so I took the four youngest into the front yard while Casey swept the driveway. I'd blossomed early but instead of flaunting my new figure like any normal girl my age would've I was always bundled up hiding cuts and bruises. This day I just couldn't stand it so defying "the rules" I was running around in one of Casey's undershirts and some cutoff jean shorts while I supervised my siblings. Casey had given me a loving talking to that morning, trying to make me change my clothes but as the heat rose into the triple digits I couldn't have cared less about my future punishment. Casey and I were closer than close from birth, it wasn't just the twin thing; we relied on each other and took care of each other always. Our siblings were more like our children since we practically raised them from the days they were born. That day was like any other Casey and I were woken up at the crack of dawn to cook breakfast for our disgusting "parents" before bathing and dressing all the children. The housework needed to be done, we cooked dinner, cleaning some more, putting the children to bed before going to sleep ourselves. Every day was the same the only thing that ever changed was that as Casey and I got older the beatings became more frequent and more severe. The only real boundary my "uncle" James and "aunt" Stephanie seemed to have was that they tried not to break bones, it didn't always work and we made more than a few solo trips to the local ER. Eventually we learned how to set our own bones and do simple sutures on each other.

That hot July day as the kids ran around playing tag and being silly like kids do at that age I sat on the front stairs taking an unusual break. When Casey was finished with his work I snuck around back to have a quick cigarette while he watched the kids for me. I had barely lit up when I heard a low gruff voice beside me say, "Too young to be smoking little girl." I almost choked on my cigarette as I let out a small squeal and whirled around to see a younger man leaning on the corner of the house watching me. I started sputtering on the verge of tears as I mumbled, "Just forget you saw me please Jimmy will crack my skull if he….." My sentence was cut off as I heard my "uncle" call for me. "Jennifer get in here" from his work room in the garage. I was frozen staring at the handsomely scruffy man in front of me. I heard Jimmy raising his voice when his chair scraped along the ground, "Goddamint Jenna don't make me call you again girl." I ran until I got to the door quietly knocking like I was taught to and slowly entering when I was told.

Jimmy was leaning against his desk looking very pissed off as I quickly glanced at his most recent customer, who sat on the ratty old couch flipping through one of Jimmy and Steph's many skin magazines they randomly left lying around. I saw his gaze pass slowly over me from head to toe as I quietly stood awaiting my punishment. Jimmy followed the other man's gaze as he finally took notice of my outfit. "What the fuck do you think you're wearing?" I hung my head knowing nothing I said could win me this argument. 'Clothes, what does it look like?" I was hot, tired, and frustrated so the words flew out of my mouth without thinking of the repercussions of my actions. The color started rising in Jimmy's face as the other man burst out laughing. "You got yourself a little pistol there Jim." "You mouthy little bitch" Jimmy roared as he lunged at me. I knew I was in for it no matter what I did so I quickly sidestepped making Jimmy run into the door behind me with a thwack. I heard a low growl of anger come from Jimmy as his customer was laughing so hard I thought he'd choke. Before I really had a chance to plan my next move Jimmy grabbed my ankle causing my legs to out from underneath me, I smacked my head off the pavement and literally saw stars for a moment. As I was trying to shake the cobwebs from my brain I could see Jimmy coming toward me before he hauled me off the ground by my hair. "Your mouth is going to get you into allot of trouble someday girl" he growled in my face before punching me hard. The smack to the head sent me flying into the couch against the opposite wall. I knew what to do now; I was supposed to stay put and act beaten until Jimmy allowed me to get back to my housework. So I laid on the floor feeling the blood pouring down the back of my head and running down my face. I just wanted to round up the kids and finish my housework so I could suture myself up before Casey and I had to start dinner. The two men were discussing their transaction casually as if I wasn't lying at their feet blood and bruised.

I was zoning in and out of conscienouness when I realized I was being talked to. I turned toward the voices as Jimmy shouted, "Are you listening to me? I said get your ass in the house and grab us some beers. Stop acting drama queen you're fine, get off your lazy ass and get the beers. Change your fucking clothes while you're in there." I slowly got to me feet and left the garage, trying not to pass out in the process. I again ran into the scruffy young man who appeared to be waiting paitiently for the man in Jimmy's "office". He looked me over quickly, "What the fuck happened to you?" I waved him away as I walked past him toward the side door to the house. I felt myself pulled back by the elbow until I was standing facing the young man. "What's your name?" He asked quietly while watching my eyes carefully. "Jenna" I replied flatly. "You got a nasty concussion there Jenna; your eye's jumping all funny." I hung my head, "Thanks mister. I've gotta get them their beers before he comes looking for me." He nodded quietly like he understood before I heard him say softly, "It's Daryl not mister." I threw my best attempt at a smile his way, "Thank you Daryl." He simply nodded again.

I went about throwing on a large t-shirt of Casey's before grabbing them their beers and returning to the garage. I was covered in blood and could feel it drying to my skin and hair as I patiently waited to be released. As I stood quietly the young man from outside, Daryl, walked in and leaned against the opposite wall. The "customer" smiled affectionately at him, "Jim that there is my kid brother Daryl I was telling you about." The men nodded toward each other in greeting before the other man started laughing while swigging his beer before turning his gaze toward me. "So Jim when you putting that pretty little thing to work for you? Have Steph teach her a thing or two, I bet you'd be raking in the dough." I saw Daryl throw a disgusted look at his brother, "Jesus Merle she's just a kid." The man, Merle's, eyes turned to ice as he looked Daryl over, "I don't remember asking you a fucking thing boy." I still stood silently against the wall as I saw the wheels turning in Jimmy's head before he broke into a wide smile and called me to him. "C'mere Jenna." He mumbled as I stumbled toward him feeling like I was going to throw up and pass out all at once. He grabbed my arm tightly as he appraised my body turning me from side to side. "You really think I could get some money for this smart mouthed little shit?" Merle chuckled darkly, "Hell yeah. You're going to have to clean her up good and keep them bruises to a minimum but she's got some perky little tits and nice lips. I know some guys down the bar who'd pay nicely for a few hours with her. How old are you sweet thing?" I knew he was talking to me but was zoning out thanks to my concussion. Jimmy shook me hard when I didn't answer, "Merle asked you a question you little bitch how old are you?" I glared at him through blurry eyes as I thought about the question, "I'm ummm I'm thirteen." "Well hell Jim I guess that is a little too young but give her a year or two to fill out that figure, and you're set man. Between her and Steph you'll be on easy street." I pulled my arm away from Jim, thoroughly disgusted that they could so casually talk about selling me into prostitution like it was a finishing school. "I have housework to do and children to feed can I go now?" I got a quick slap to my bloody head as he snapped, "Watch your mouth, you're right though. Clean yourself up and get back to work, can't have you hanging around all day." I felt a warm hand touch my arm softly as I stumbled to the door. I turned quickly to see Daryl looking at me with the tiniest hint of a smile.

I made my way toward the front yard before quietly calling Casey so as not to upset my little ones. It wasn't like they hadn't seen me bloody and bruised before but I still tried my best to shield them from the worst of the abuse. "Case….Casey….CASEY" I called still trying not to alert anyone but him. I saw his smile fade as he walked toward me quickly looking over my injuries, "Aww hell Jenna what happened this time?" "I moved so Jim smashed into the door. Can you make sure I didn't cut my head open when I hit the ground?" Casey looked at my head as I winced slightly. "Nope you didn't crack your skull just another concussion. I'll sew your face up after we feed the little ones." I smiled lightly thanking the heavens that I had my Casey to be with me through this fucked up existence. I headed into the house carefully washing the blood from my hair and face before starting dinner for the kids and our evil guardians. After we cleaned up from dinner and put the young ones to bed Casey sutured my cheek up and sewed my eyebrow back together. I laid awake that night thinking about the scruffy young man I'd met earlier that day. I was so sore the next morning I almost couldn't get out of bed but as always I pushed through it and went about my day. As I was out back washing the dogs I was surprised to look up and see Daryl leaning against the house watching me. "Something I can help you with Mr. Dixon?" I'd gotten his and his brothers last name while I was eavesdropping on Jim and Step the night before. "Tol' you before it's just Daryl not mister. Just wondering what the hell you're doing?" I gestured toward our dogs, "Well these three geniuses' decided to pick a fight with a porcupine this morning. I got all the quills out but Jim wants all the blood and shit washed of them. Don't give a shit how us kids look but these fucking mutts, sorry." I mumbled when I realized I was just rambling. Daryl started to respond but suddenly the dog I had in the washtub snapped at me getting soap all over me, I let out a screech as it got in all my wounds, "Motherfucking Zeus you asshole, fuck that burns." I whined loudly as I held my injured cheek. I heard Merle chuckle as he rounded the corner of the house, "Got a mouth like a sailor little girl." "Fuck yourself" I mumbled under my breath as I went back about my task.

As the days went by the Dixon's showed up more and more. Daryl and I would talk every chance we got, and Merle lightened up once I started putting him in his place. Casey never really warmed to either of them but he could see I was happy around Daryl and Casey always wanted that for me as I did for him. I would sneak out at night running over to the Dixon's trailer to hang out with Daryl. It went that way for a very long time, work all day, put the kids to bed, jump out the window so I could run across town and crawl in Daryl's window. All was going good until just after I turned fifteen it was a normal morning as I snuck back into our room to see Stephanie sitting on mine and Casey's bed with her favorite weapon, the wooden spoon. I wasn't even all the way in the before she started beating me, of course I lost my grip and fell hard from the second floor onto the deck with a thud. That's the last memory I have until my eyes slowly opened what felt like months later. A scream slowly came out of my mouth as I looked around at my unfamiliar surroundings. It hit me like a ton of bricks that I was in a hospital covered with machines. I ripped the oxygen out of my nose and started pulling out every IV I could find. The screaming of an alarm almost brought me to my knees as fire exploded behind my eyes. I grabbed my head in my hands as I struggled to remain standing. Before I could regain my bearings two nurses and what looked like a cop came rushing into my room and started talking to me all at once. Finally as they pushed me back into the bed and started shoving all the IV's back in I threw my arms into the air. "Stop! Would someone tell me what the fuck is going on?" The cop turned on me and let out a loud huff, "Watch your mouth." "Okay what the fuck is going on Officer?" I saw the smallest hint of a smirk as he walked toward me slowly, "Officer Walsh, good to see you awake Jennifer." "Jenna" I barked flatly. He took a seat next to me as the nurses left the room. "Alright Jenna well what's going on is as far as we can tell you fell out a second story window onto your back porch eight days ago. Scrambled your brains good, doctors weren't sure you were going to wake up." I was trying so hard to remember what happened but kept coming up blank then I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach, "Oh my god did you say eight days? Where's Casey, are my little ones alright?" He pulled out a small dog eared notebook, "Umm Casey is your twin and your four younger siblings are all being looked after by two foster families." I could feel rage flowing through my veins as I stared at the young cop. "Are you fucking kidding me" I spat as I again stood up and pulled every tube I could find as I pulled on a pair of jeans I found on a chair, and threw on the flannel from the floor all the while getting yelled at by the cop. As I headed toward the door he grabbed my arm roughly pulling me back. "Listen your siblings are safe and I'll personally check in on them if it'll make you feel better but you need to be released by a doctor before you leave, and then you have a whole grocery list of questions I need you to answer." I pulled my arm away looking at the office coolly, he didn't look allot older than me, "You new on the force Officer uh?" He let me go, "Office Walsh, I'm three months out of the academy, why?" I chuckled grimly "I knew you were a rookie. Listen everyone especially cops in this town now me and my family. They know our story and you've probably seen our rap sheets. I'm a lost cause so not to throw your offer back in your face or anything but I'll get my little ones and make everything right myself." He let a full smile work its way onto his face as he ran a hand through his dark hair, "Well I don't believe in lost causes so you still need to have a doctor check you out and allot of questions to answer." I wasn't really paying him any attention as I started pulled lighters, string, and other random crap out of the flannel I was wearing. "Whose clothes am I wearing? I don't think this stuff is mine." Officer Walsh laughed, "I'm not really sure Ma'am but there were a couple guys in here earlier looking out for you. I think the younger one left that and the pants here for you." I laughed knowing Daryl and Merle were keeping an eye on me, and Daryl had left the flannel I was always trying to steal from him. I sat down trying to placate the young cop into letting me go. "Okay so if I answer some of your questions can I leave please?" He took a seat across from me as he took his King County sheriff's office hat off slowly, "As soon as the doctor says you're alright and you've answered all my boring old questions you can walk out that door free as a bird." "Fine" I huffed.

A doctor came in and did all the stupid reflex tests, asking me what state I was in, all that bullcrap before advising me to take it easy for a few weeks before handing me my discharge paperwork. The annoying Officer Walsh walked me into a small conference room before laying a file and a small notebook on the table in front of him. "Alright let's get all the basic stuff out of the way first….name?" I lay my head on the table as I whined, "You already know that." He smirked at me as a small chuckle escaped him, "Yeah yeah….well we need to do this for the official record or I could bring you down to the station and we can do this there." "Are you seriously trying to scare me Officer? I've probably spent more time in that station than you have so I don't care where we are I just want this to be done with so I can get the hell out of here." He huffed loudly, "Well for someone who wants out of here so bad you're not making this easy on either of us. You stop sassing me and answer all my questions I guarantee we'll be far away from each other in less than a half hour." I slammed my hand down on the table, "Fuck….fine. Jennifer Collins age fifteen date of birth April 20th 1982. I live at 273 W Foxwood Lane Atlanta Georgia. My legal guardians are my father's scumbag best friend Jim and his whore wife Stephanie. I have six siblings, height five one, weight varies, brown hair blue eyes. Anything else?" He was scribbling away in his notebook before he opened the file in front of me, looking it over slowly before turning it to face me. "Yes actually why don't you explain this file here to me. These are your x-rays and the doctor's report from when you were admitted. Over four dozen breaks and fractures in various stages of healing. You've had a severe concussion in the past few weeks, you're missing three adult teeth, burn marks on your back and homemade stitches all over, and that's before you fell from a two story window, so you tell me." I pulled the file away from him as I looked over my x-rays to see all the abuse my body had been forced to endure over the years. "What do you want me to say officer, my life sucks and allot of times I step in the way so my little siblings are spared the pain." His face softened as he reached over closing the file. "What about your parents?" He asked quietly. "My mother toped it when I was eleven; Dad dropped us with the scumbags a couple months after that." He appeared confused as he tilted his head like a puppy, "Toped it?" "Killer herself, seven kids under the age of eighteen with an alcoholic drug addict husband wasn't her idea of heaven." "Do you have any other family that could take ya'll in?" I shook my head as I was starting to get antsy, I didn't like talking about my life. "I have an older brother Michael but he took off right after my mom's funeral, which was almost three years ago, so it's just us. I can look after the kid's just fine." He let out a sigh as he leaned back in his chair, "I hate to tell you this but now that social services are involved there's no way in hell those two are getting all you kids back. They're going to split you into foster homes until you age out at eighteen." I kicked the table leg hard trying to vent my frustrations, "Fuck if that stupid bitch has just waited until I was in the window none of this would be happening." Officer Walsh looked startled, "Wait you were coming in the window and your guardian Stephanie caused you to fall?" I almost slapped my hand over my mouth realizing in my anger I was starting to ramble. "No I didn't say that…fuck fuck fuck…..umm no I was screwing around and I fell. Now I'm going to be fine and that's it." The officer's face hardened as he reopened the file before slamming his hand down on the table. "That's not it I can keep going. Looks like your cheekbone's been fractured at least a half a dozen times, you've got a bone fracture floating around you elbow, malnourished, dehydrated. Do you want to know what the doctor said when he looked you over?" "Not really" I huffed. "He said your body showed one of the worst cases of child abuse he'd ever seen. Why would you protect the people who did this to you?" I refused to look at him, hearing the anger and concern in his voice was foreign concept to me and it made me uncomfortable. "Can I go now Officer Walsh?" He stuffed his hat back on his head angrily as he gathered his things. "Sure why not I can see I'm not getting anywhere. Just know I'll be keeping an eye on you Miss Collins." I nodded quickly as I grabbed my meager belongings and took off running out of the hospital and down the street.

I barely got to the corner before I heard a car pull up next to me as I turned to see that damn cop again. "Shouldn't be running around straight outta the hospital Miss Collins." "Piss off Officer Walsh" I spat as I took off running home as fast as I could. As I flew around the corner toward the house I noticed several trash bags on the front step with something written on them. As I got closer I could see they all had my name on them, so they kicked me out what a surprise. I dragged my measly belongings behind me as I walked toward the nearest pay phone praying there was some change in my borrowed flannel. I luckily found some and called the only friends I had. I was a little disappointed when Merle answered the phone but covered quickly. "Hey Merle it's JC, is Daryl around?" He chuckled, "Well hell sugar when'd you wake up?" "This morning I've been held prisoner by the pigs ever since then, some fucking rookie pretending to feel bad for us, asshole. Anyway so is Daryl around?" "Naw he took off outta here a while ago was heading to look in at you in the hospital." I kicked the phone booth, "Damn it, the scumbags kicked me out so now I'm stranded. There any way you'd wanna help me out with a ride? I was heading to your place anyway so I can wait for Daryl." The sleaze was back in his voice as he mused, "Well I might be able to help you but what're you gonna do for me?" "Come on Merle forget it I'll just walk to your place." He chuckled loudly again, "No you aint walking all the way here straight outta the hospital, gimme about twenty minutes I'll be there." I laughed that every now and then I was able to get a human response out of him. "Thanks Merle." "Yeah yeah" I heard him mutter as he hung up the phone. Despite everything I knew deep down that Merle liked me and looked out for me when the mood struck him.

I took a seat on the sidewalk for a while until I heard Merle's truck rattling down the street toward me. We didn't really talk much on the way back to the trailer. Once we got back I made Merle something to eat before going to Daryl's room to drop my stuff and take a much needed nap. I was abruptly woken up by the bedroom door slamming as I glanced at Daryl staring angrily at me. I smiled up at him, "Hey D." You couldn't have called me? I about lost it when I saw that bed empty, then some fucking cop tells me you run off after being discharged." "Well that cop should have told you how he kept me there asking me stupid questions about what happened and about how I look. I'd have been out this morning if not for him. Either way I did try to call but you'd already taken off. Merle came and picked me up." Daryl sat on the edge of the bed as he chuckled quietly, "Still don't know how you got him wrapped around your finger like that." "What can I say it's a talent" I laughed as I lay back down on the bed. I was about to try to fall back to sleep when I heard the mattress squeak, I opened one eye to see Daryl lying next to me staring at the ceiling. I knew him well enough to know he wanted to ask me something but was having a hard time finding the words. "What do you want to ask me D?" He glanced at me quickly, "Nothing just wondering what Jim and Steph are going to say when you go home." I got comfortable on my side of the bed mimicking Daryl with my arms behind my head. "Well no need to wonder they kicked me out. Found all my stuff in trash bags on the sidewalk when I got there. Now that the cops took all the kids I've got no reason to go back there, Merle said I can stay here until I figure something out."


	2. Jealousy

The conversation wasn't going the way I wanted it to as Daryl quickly caught me halfway through a rant, "Didn't mean it like that Jenna ya just surprised me that's all. Of course you can stay here as long as you're okay with sharing a room." I laughed feeling relieved, "Really D? I've shared a room with Casey and Zach for years I think I'll be fine." We both lay down quietly thinking until I forced myself to do what I'd been mulling over. I rolled toward Daryl pulling him into a hug as I kissed his cheek quickly mumbling, "Thank you Daryl I really don't know where I'd be without you guys." He awkwardly hugged me back with one arm as he lay his head on my shoulder, "S'alright couldn't leave you homeless now could we." I chuckled a little, "Well you could have but thank you." Daryl laughed a little, "Now don't go hugging on Merle unless you're looking for an ass grabbing." I pulled a terrible face as we both laughed. "No thanks I learned my lesson on that one. Besides I thanked him earlier." Daryl casually asked me as I started dozing off, "So you looking to get work or go back to school, or what?" "Umm I don't know really I guess I could go for my GED but that seems like a lot of work. I can't really get an actual job because I'm still underage, plus that fucking cop is going to be keeping an eye on me." Daryl turned to look at me, "The one from the hospital?" "Yeah he said he was going to be watching me for a while making sure I stayed out of trouble or some shit like that. He seemed alright I guess he just acted all high and mighty because I was willing to stay in that shithole to keep my kids together." Daryl wrapped an arm around me again as my voice broke at the thought of all my siblings having been split up and put into strangers homes. I tried to pull myself together but as I felt him warm arms envelop me I let the tears fall. I sobbed quietly as he rubbed my back lightly, trying to comfort me. I had no idea when or if I was ever going to see my siblings again and the thought that Casey and I endured all that abuse to have it end like this was just salt in an open wound. Daryl was the only person, other than my Casey, that'd ever seen me cry but I needed to let it all out. It was too much for a fifteen year old girl to be dealing with but then again we'd never had the luxury of being children. It just wasn't the way our family worked. I thanked whoever was listening every single day for bringing the Dixon brothers into my life, they made the unbearable seem bearable.

Getting used to life without my siblings was the hardest thing I've ever done. It took me almost three months to track down all my siblings, who'd been split between four separate foster homes. I bawled like a little girl the first time I saw Casey. Daryl was carting me all over Atlanta looking for all of them. We'd become even closer, if that was possible, in the time I'd been living with them and have to say I was falling hard. Since the first time I saw him around the back of the house that day I'd thought he was ridiculously attractive and the closer we got the harder I fell. Amazingly two years flew by with the blink of an eye and a few days before my eighteenth birthday I got a phone call from Casey telling me social services were turning him loose the day after our birthday. We'd kept in contact as much as possible over the years as he bounced from home to home before landing in juvie when he was sixteen. He spent over a year there for assaulting his foster brother with a baseball bat. I'd gotten a job at the auto body shop where Daryl worked not long after I turned sixteen and finished my GED almost a year later. Both boys were very proud of me and practically forced me to do homework and such. The annoying Officer Walsh kept true to his word and dropped by the house and shop every couple weeks keeping tabs on me. We hadn't exactly become friends but I came to dislike him a lot less over the years, we were even on a first name basis quite quickly. Daryl never really took a liking to him but after I talked him down he stayed outta sight when Shane came around. I remember one incident in particular when I seriously thought they were going to come to blows. It was a very hot June day after a few days after my seventeenth birthday and we were celebrating me graduating my GED classes. Merle was already passed out in the house but Daryl and I were still yucking up around the backyard. It was only late afternoon but I'd begged Daryl to start a bonfire so I'd cranked the stereo and was dancing around pleasantly toasted on homemade moonshine. Daryl was sitting on a lawn chair laughing as I wiggled and bounced to the music, singing along to the songs I knew. Our relationship was still very strong but as we both grew a slight tension had been building between us. I felt it grow a little every day though neither of us had ever acknowledged it out loud.

That day was nothing out of the ordinary as I threw on some jeans of Daryl's I had turned into cut offs and a bikini top under my wifebeater before going for my daily run in the woods behind our trailer. When I'd returned Merle was grilling out back and had already broken into the moonshine. So I laughingly joined him when he told me we were celebrating. After he'd passed out is when we broke out the stereo and started the fire. Since I'd been living with the boys I'd come to embrace myself scars, and all. So I finally started dressing my age, doing my hair and such, which is when the tension started.

As I danced singing along to Sweet Home Alabama at the top of my lungs I grabbed Daryl by the arm. "Come on dance with me D." He chuckled quietly, "Naw you know better Jenna I don't dance." "So you're just going to sit back and enjoy the view?" I asked brazenly as the liquor loosened my lips. Daryl's cheeks flushed as he averted his gaze. "Oh come on Daryl you know I'm only kidding around." I joked as I hugged him tightly. He froze for a moment before hesitantly hugging me back. After a moment I felt him relax, laying his head on my shoulder as he quietly said, "Listen Jenna…" Just as he started talking I heard a gruff voice calling my name from the side of the house. "Jenna, Jenna you around?" I reluctantly pulled away from Daryl as I recognized the voice. "I;m around back Shane," I called back. I saw his dark head peek around the corner before he came sauntering into the yard. "Well hell darlin' sounds like you're having a party back here", he laughed as I saw his eyes roam over my exposed skin. I slowly walked toward him trying not to show how much I'd had to drink. Of course with my luck I tripped within arms reach of him, thankfully he caught me before I hit the ground. He immediately said, "damn girl you're shitfaced drunk." I laughed a little too loudly as I gripped his arms for support. "No no just caught my shoe on a root." Shane's smile widened as he glanced at my feet, "Oh yeah and where would your shoes be?" "I'm barefoot aren't I?" I giggled as I wiggled my toes, feeling the stiff grass beneath my feet. I was still leaning on Shane, thankfully for the support of his strong arms. I could tell Daryl was getting frustrated with Shane's presence as he paced slowly around. I ignored him as I dragged Shane along with me as I stumbled toward the bonfire. "Have a seat, so to what do I owe the pleasure?" I asked quickly. Shane rested a hand on my hip as he chuckled, "Well I heard through the grapevine that you passed your GED test so I thought I'd come b and congratulate on graduating." He handed me a card and a small box as I carefully sat next to him. "Oh come on Shane you didn't have to do anything", I said bashfully. I tried to clear my head a little as I opened the card chuckling as I tried to decipher Shane's chicken scratches before opening the box to find a beautiful dragonfly charm on a silver chain. "Oh my god this is gorgeous. Thank you so much Shane this is so thoughtful of you." Shane smiled sheepishly as I gushed about my new necklace. "Here put this on for me" I said quickly as I pulled my hair aside and handed the necklace to Shane. He secured the necklace but I felt a weird feeling in my belly as his hand lingered on my shoulder rubbing softly. I opened my mouth to say something but as I did Daryl came toward us grabbing my arm and pulling me to him as he barked at Shane. "Alright 5-0 you said your piece, checked up on her, so you can be on your way now." I was trying to pull my arm out of Daryl's grip but he wasn't letting up. Shane stood mimicking Daryl. "Jenna's got a mind of her own she can ask me to leave if she wants." They were almost toe to toe as I finally sputtered. "Daryl let go you're hurting me." He turned to me quickly as his face softened and he immediately released me. I'll admit I was a little shaken as Daryl had never been possessive with me like that before. I felt tears welling in my eyes as I looked over the bruises forming on my upper arm. Glancing between the guys quickly I mumbled something about too much to drink and going to bed. I picked up my card and kissed Shane on the cheek and thanked him again as he gave me a small hug. Daryl called after me as I heard Shane mumble something before heading toward his jeep at the front of the trailer. I ignored him as I went into the house and crawled into bed as the tears began to fall. I knew he didn't meant to hurt me but one thing he promised me years back was that he would never hurt me and he'd inadvertently broken that promise over a stupid jealousy.


	3. Uh-Oh

Daryl knew that other than Casey he was the person who meant the most to me in the world and nobody including Shane was going to change that. I'd calmed down and stared dozing when I heard the bedroom door open slowly. I could hear Daryl pacing around the room and I knew him well enough to know he was feeling really bad about what he'd done. He was trying to decide whether to wake me up or let me sleep and hash it all out in the morning. Eventually I heard the door open again followed by Daryl's crappy old pickup truck pulling out of the driveway. He would be meeting Merle at the bar for the evening to let me cool off. I really wasn't feeling like being alone but Casey still had another eighteen months left in juvie so he was off my list. I eventually decided to wander downtown for a while just to blow off some steam, see who I ran into. Yes I was looking to run into Shane but I wasn't going straight to him I was just hoping he was on patrols. I sauntered down main street window shopping, killing time really. My head was slowly sobering up as I walked aimlessly. I was just about to loop back to head home when I heard a loud whistle and whirled around to see the source. Shane was standing next to his cruiser smiling at me as he waved me over. I jogged across the street toward him, stopping by the drivers side window. "Evening Sheriff Grimes." He tipped his hat and smiled at me, "Evening Jenna." We walked arms length away from the car as Shane laid his hand on my shoulder. "What're you doing wandering around on your own drunk?" I giggled quietly, "I'm not drunk anymore. After Merle and Daryl took off I didn't feel like being at the house by myself and it's too late to call Casey so here I am." Shane laughed as he stole a sideways glance at me. "You might as well just admit that you missed me." "That must be it I just couldn't stand it anymore." I joked sarcastically. He suddenly turned serious as he caught sight of the finger shaped bruises on my upper arm. "So what was that all about?" He asked as he pointed at the bruises. "I don't know honestly, I mean Daryl's always been protective of me but nothing like that. I'm sorry about all that by the way." He looked at me quickly, "Sorry for what?" "For Daryl. It was sweet of you to stop by with my beautiful gift and he had to go all caveman. Something about you just riles him up." He let a sad smile creep onto his face. "Well that's alright I don't need him to like me as long as you do", he said quietly as he adjusted the dragonfly on the necklace I was still wearing. "You already know I like you. I haven't told you to fuck off in like a year." Finally Shane said he had to finish patrols but he'd be at the diner in about an hour if I was still feeling lonely.


	4. The plot thickens

Of course I wandered around for a while waiting to meet up with Shane. I was so confused I was having fun getting to know Shane but Daryl had been there for me for so long and knew me better than anyone. I just didn't know what the situation was with either of them. The tension that had been growing between Daryl and I was almost stifling and now Shane and I were developing a friendship that seemed pretty flirty allot of the time, like the way he was always finding some way to touch me even a little. I was definitely attracted to both of them but was terrified if I chose one I'd lose the other. Once I got tired of wandering I headed into the diner to see Shane already seated. He smiled as I sat down, "Got you some coffee thought it'd clear your head up." I thanked him and before I knew what was happening we'd been talking for two hours. He was smart, funny and downright charming. I let out a stifled yawn as Shane glanced at his watch. "Wow it's really late would Daryl freak out if I brought you home?" "Probably but he's not the boss of me" I mumbled. He smirked evilly, "Well alright then darlin' hop in and I'll take you home." We'd been driving along in comfortable silence for a couple minutes when I felt Shane's hand hesitantly touch my bare knee. I looked at him quickly to see him staring straight ahead at the road, his brows furrowed together as he awaited my reaction. I decided to throw caution to the wind as I laid my hand over his. I saw that ruthless grin break onto his face as he glanced at me, "You really all that tired?" "No not too bad why?" He was concentrating on the road again, "Was thinkin' maybe you'd wanna come back to my place, watch a movie or something?" I weighed my options carefully. On one hand I was still mad at Daryl but I also knew he'd be worried and furious when I didn't come home. On the other hand I currently holding hands with a very attractive man who I was looking to get to know better. "Yeah that sounds good to me." Shane wove his hand into mine as we turned around heading toward his place. After another short silence I could feel him staring at me so I chuckled, "Something you want to ask me Officer Walsh?" He laughed a little before turning serious. "I's just wondering how much trouble you're going to catch from your boyfriend for this." "Neither of the Dixon brothers are my boyfriend, I don't actually have a boyfriend. Daryl's my best friend has been for years and Merle is the loud mouthed drunken big brother I never wanted."

Shane smirked again as we pulled into the driveway of a small but nicely kept up house. He laid his hand in the small of my back as he ushered me into the house. "You aint like a you know right?" I turned toward him, "I'm not a you know...what terrorist, space alien, post op transexual?" He laughed loudly before looking into my face with those beautiful whiskey colored eyes, "No what I mean is are you a virgin?" I felt my face burn at the intimate turn our conversation had taken. I tried to look away but Shane took my chin in his large hand turning me to face him. "Hey it's not important I was just thinking that's all." I was still trying to avoid his gaze. "No I'm not a virgin. Not that I'd be embarrassed if I was but I'm not. You grow up the way we did you don't stay a kid for long you grow up fast and I'm rambling now." Shane lightly ran his hand over my cheek as he shook his head with a smile. "What?" I asked feeling self conscious. "Just amazing how different you are since we first met. Never would have thought I'd be inviting you over." I laughed with him now starting to relax as we walked into the living room. "I wanted to slug you so bad that first day in the hospital. All I wanted to do was escape and then you were acting all polite and concerned, I didn't know how to react so I fell back into what I know." "Smart mouthing people?" He shot back. "Haha yes smart mouthing people. It'd always worked for me in the past. Very few people ever wanted to help out kids like us so when you were all concerned I spazzed." Shane shook his head lightly. "Well I was worried about you all. I hadn't really dealt with something like that yet and you were so frustratingly stubborn I kinda got riled up." "I know I shouldn't have yelled and carried on like I did but like I said it was the first time I'd had to explain myself. Normally in the hospital they put us back together and sent us home no questions asked." Shane was listening quietly as we sat on the sofa in his living room. I saw him shaking his head angirly so I asked, "What?" His eyes clouded for a moment before he looked at me seriously. "Ya'll never should have had to go through all that. One of them at the hospital should have seen the signs, done something or said something to ya'll." I just shook my head, I'd always known the truth that people didn't want to get involved so they didn't. "They didn't want to get their hands dirty. I don't fault any of them for it, I wouldn't have wanted to tangle with us either. Hell I still can't believe you and that doctor did all you did." Shane was averting his eyes as he quietly asked, "You don't still hold it against me, ya'll getting split up into foster care?" I sighed heavily. I could tell by his voice this wasn't the first time he'd thought about this. I laid my hand lightly on his shoulder. "Listen Shane I never held it against you. Yes I was mad as hell when we got split up but not mad at you. I was pissed at those scumbags for putting us all in that situation. You did what you thought was best for all of us and it was the right call. Who knows if Carey and I would still be alive if we'd been left with Steph and Jim. So no I don't hold anything against you never did." Shane turned toward me with a sly grin on his face, "Well alright then I've got to ask you one more thing." "Shoot" I chuckled. Shane was trying hard to look me in the eyes but I was starting to get nervous so I was pretending to check his place out to avoid his gaze. "If you didn't hold anything against me then why'd we always tussel before?" As he spoke Shane slowly moved into my line of site so I'd have to look at him. I felt another deep blush working it's way up my neck as I had no choice but to look into those whiskey colored eyes. "Umm uh why'd you have to ask me that?" I mumbled embarrassed. "Just cause I've always thought we fought all the time because you blamed me for calling social services about ya'll. So if it ain't that then I'm stumped. I smirked at him trying to decide to tell him the truth or try to think of some bullshit to end the conversation. "Well if you really wanna know I guess I always started a fight because I didn't know what else to do. I don't know how to act around people who aren't like me and mine. After all we've been through here you come this handsome, charming, well spoken cop who actually seemed to give two shits what happened to us, and you didn't just fuck off as soon as social services was done with us. You kept showing up helped me find my kids, congratulated me on graduating pretty necklace and all. I've never really been around anyone like you so I tried my hardest to push you away until you made it pretty clear you weren't going anywhere. Besides for the longest time I thought D….Daryl was gonna take a swing at you everytime you came around." Just as I finished my sentence and Shane opened his mouth to say something my cell phone (a graduation gift from me to me) started ringing. I knew without looking that Daryl had come home, found me gone, and was panicking.

After several rings Shane nodded toward my pocket, "Might be somethin' important." I shook my head with a small laugh, "No it's just Daryl panicking because I'm not home." "He's gonna come looking for you if you don't answer isn't he?" I smiled lightly, "Yes but he'd never think to find me here and he'd never go to the station so I'll be good until I decide to go home. It won't be all that bad as long as I make it home before sunup." Shane let out a sigh as he flopped onto the couch next to me. "What's the deal between you two anyway? He was always up to the hospital after your accident, then you move in with them and you two are always together." "Listen Shane I like you I do but I don't know Daryl has always been there. I fall down he's right there to pick me back up again. He can relate to the way the kids and I were raised in a way no one else can because he's been there himself. I'd trust him with my life. It's just sometimes because he can be a little over protective and such so I don't really have any other friends. So it's just me, Daryl and Merle until I get ahold of Casey then I don't know what we're gonna do. I'm rambling again." Shane was watching me closely as I spoke. "So does he have a claim on you or anything?" "I wouldn't be here with you if he did" I said matter of factly. Shane let out a breath as he stood up, "Well how about a drink, you thirsty?" I followed him into the kitchen trying slyly to check out his place as I walked. It was a bachelor pad for sure sparsely furnished but it was clean with little details around that made it feel homey. My phone started ringing in my pocket again as Shane rooted through his fridge. I huffed loudly as I grabbed it, "Yeah?" I barked not really wanting to deal with Daryl's possessiveness right then. "That's how it's gonna be? I come home find you missing and it take you five calls to answer the damn phone." I could tell Daryl had an idea who I was with and he was pissed. "Listen D you freaked me out this afternoon so I took off for awhile to cool down. So what's the big fucking deal?" The line was silent for a beat as I heard him pacing around our bedroom. Shane set an iced tea down in front of me as he looked at me trying to keep my emotions in check. "The big fucking deal is Jenna where'd you be without us….without me, huh?" I hung my head feeling my stomach drop. "Can we not do this Daryl. You know damn well where I'd be if it wasn't for you and Merle but that's got nothing to do with this. We had an issue this afternoon I needed to get outta the house for awhile. I'll be back before work tomorrow." He snorted loudly. "That's all you got to say huh you'll be back before work. So we're not going to talk about Deputy Dog showing up and touching all over you?" I hung my head knowing I couldn't win this conversation. "First off don't call Shane that and secondly what's there to talk about. He's a friend of mine and he wanted to congratulate me on graduating. I don't see what's so wrong about that." "No I guess you wouldn't would you? Where are you I'll pick you up." I shot Shane a side glance as I debated my options. "I've got a ride home D. I promise I won't be too late." There was a heavy sigh on the other end of the phone and the sound of something being kicked. "We're gonna talk about this when you get home." "I know, bye" I huffed as I stuffed my phone back into my pocket.


	5. Life goes on

**Shane slowly took my hands as I sucked in a shakey breath. "Hey you alright?" "Yeah I'll live I just don't understand what's going on with Daryl. I mean he's always been protective of me but this is above and beyond." Shane watched me closely for a second before coming around to my side of the island and pulling me to him quickly. Before my brain had time to register what was happening he crashed his lips into mine and I responded enthusiastically. We stayed locked together for a several minutes before we came up for air. He pulled away with that ruthless grin, "Figured if I'm gonna get into a fight might as well make it for something good." I laughed loudly as I felt my face blush red. "Daryl's not gonna fight you I won't let him." Shane glanced at me, "So what'd he say about me anyway, didn't mean to eavesdrop but I couldn't really help it." He chuckled as he took a seat at the bar next to me. "It's nothing he just calls you deputy dog but I told him to stop. He's still going to say it but now he'll do it just to piss me off." He was running his hand slowly along my neck before quietly saying. "You've gotta head home now don't you?" "Trust me I really don't want to but since I still need a place to live I better go." Shane hung his head as he pouted a little. "Hey I didn't say I was skipping town did I? You know where I am most days and you know where I live. So we're going to see each other soon." I leaned in kissing him quickly as he immediatley wrapped his arms around me. I knew I was opening a whole kettle of fish messing around with Shane when I shared a bedroom, truck and workplace with Daryl but I was getting tired of him treating me like I was his property. I owed him more than I could ever repay but he wasn't my warden and I wasn't about to sit around and let him treat me like a prisoner. We got back into Shane's jeep heading back to our trailer. I'd been so brave on the phone but the closer we got to the house the more I started panicking. I knew what Daryl said was true that I wouldn't have a pot to piss in without them but that didn't give him a claim over me. I was eternally grateful for all they'd done for me but I was also working my butt off to make a life for myself on my own. I worked hard at my GED classes while working a full time job. I was fidgeting in my seat as we pulled up along side our trailer. **

**Our bedroom light was still on so I knew Daryl was awake and waiting on me. Shane leaned in giving me a quick kiss as he promised me we'd talk the next day. I walked into the house slowly wishing we didn't have to talk about this. I was getting a headache and just wanted to crawl into bed so I could catch a couple hours before work. Merle was passed out on the couch in the living room like usual so I tossed blanket over him as I made my way toward our room. Being a coward I snuck into the bathroom quickly checking over my appearance so Daryl wouldn't suspect anything. After cleaning up and brushing my teeth I couldn't hold off any longer. I casually walked into our bedroom like nothing was wrong to see Daryl sitting on the bed cleaning his crossbow carefully. Trying to avoid the situation further I pulled out my work clothes for the next day before heading to the bathroom to change into my pajamas. When I came back the second time Daryl had put his bow away and was staring daggers at me. I could never stand it when he was mad at me, just one look from him could make me feel two inches tall. I sat down on the bed looking at him as I fidgeted with my hands, "So shoot what'd you wanna say?" He sighed heavily as he ran his hand through his short hair, "Where you been all night?" "I told you I got scared and needed to get away. I wandered around town for a bit and then I hung out with a friend." I could feel his gaze burning into the side of my head. "You mean deputy dog right?" I turned to face him, "And if I was hanging out with Shane? So what I can't have friends now?" Daryl pointed at me accusingly. "He wants to be a hell of allot more than friends and you know it." "I dont know what you're talking about. Shane is a nice guy and I like talking with him, what's so wrong about that?" "It's wrong because he's just trying to get into your pants. Bet he ain't gonna be so nice once he gets what he wants." He seethed. I sighed as I stared at my feet again. "It's been two years D, seems like allot of work for a booty call. I didn't mean to make you mad I just needed to get away for a-while." Daryl reached forward slowly as he touched the bruises on my upper arm. "Aww hell Jenna I didn't mean to hurt you. That cop just gets my fur up. I ain't mad at you I just panicked when I left ya sleeping only to come home to an empty house." I looked at him finally starting to calm my racing heart. "I know I should have left a note or something I just wasn't thinking. So are we good or what?" Daryl was still slowly running his hand over my bruises. "Yeah I guess we're good. I still don't like having him around you." I let out a sad laugh. "I know you don't but he's a nice guys and I like hanging out with him. I'll just try to make sure you two steer clear of each other. No more stand offs like this afternoon." Daryl chuckled lightly, "I ain't promising nothing." I breathed a sigh of relief knowing that we were going to be alright. We'd only had a few fights over the years but thankfully we'd always been able to work things out sooner or later.**

**Life fell into an uncomfortable routine for us for quite awhile after that. Daryl was still pissed off all the time when I hung out with Shane but he stopped bitching at me after a bit. My eighteenth birthday came quickly and I was about to explode I was so excited to see my Casey. The system was turning his loose on our birthday and Daryl had offered to take me to Columbus to get him. Shane had offered too but I was already wary about how Casey would react to Daryl much less Shane. We'd been casually seeing each other for just short of a year when I turned eighteen. Him and Daryl still hated each other but it was a quieter hatred now. I split my nights between sleeping at home and spending the night at Shane's house, which was the source of another huge fight between Daryl and I. **


	6. What the F

**We didn't talk for almost two weeks after that fight. Shane and I had gone bowling with his friends Rick and Lori. We'd gotten done really late so I went home with Shane, which wasn't unusual. It wasn't until the next morning when I was awoken by my cell phone ringing incessantly. I grabbed it without checking to see who it was only to be met by a very pissed off Daryl shouting at me. I hopped out of bed so as not to wake up Shane and scuttled downstairs to have a smoke without Shane nagging at me to quit. Daryl was rantining on and one but he was talking so fast I wasn't catching all of it. I plopped down on the back deck after lighting my cigarette I huffed, "D slow down what the hell is going on?" I could hear him trying to catch his breath. "Where the fuck were you last night?" "Really D you woke me up at six am on my day off for this? I told you I was going out with Shane and some of his friends last night." "I'm talking about after that something you're forgetting?" I almost dropped my cigarette in my lap when it hit me what he was talking about. "Oh my god D. I don't even know what to say, I was supposed to be home last night. We talked about it Monday so I wouldn't forget. I….I.." I stammered searching for the words. "Yeah you what Jenna? You were too busy fucking that god damn cop to remember your friends?" I started tearing up, "Daryl honey that's not it. I'm so so fucking sorry. I can't even say I mean I know sorry's not enough." Daryl cut me off, "You know what Jenna save it. I guess you're finally showing your true colors now. You got what you wanted outta us and now you're moving onto your fucking cop. Lemme ask you something Jenna was his dick worth it?" I stood up pacing the yard as my temper rose, "You know that's not what this is about Daryl. I am so sorry for not being home last night but you've just been looking for an excuse to freak out on me about Shane. I didn't mean to stay away last night we got done really late and I got into bed rather than coming home. Mistake on my part but don't pull this shit right now." I was about to light up another cigarette when I glance toward the house to see Shane looking out the bedroom window at me looking concerned. I huffed quietly feeling bad that I'd fogotten my prosmise to Daryl, feeling bad that I'd woken Shane, hell I was just having a really bad morning. No matter what I said I knew I was getting nowhere with Daryl but I also didnt want to give up trying. "Listen D I don't know what else I can say. I am so sorry. I am going to run inside, shower and then I'll be home if you still wanna talk." I could tell by the tone of his voice he was still pissed. "Don't do me any favors." He barked before hanging up on me. After making my way back to the deck I plopped down as I started to cry. We'd fought before but not like this. I was even starting to rethink mine and Shane's realationship, I wasn't willing to lose my best friend over it.**

**As I was sitting there crying I heard the backdoor open slowly and Shane' sleepy voice. "Hey what's wrong lil bird?" I turned a teary smile toward him. "Little bird, where'd that come from?" He sat down next to me adjusting his sweatpants before tossing my ciggarette across the yard. "Don't know I mean that's just how I've always thought of you, a bird with a broken wing." "Thanks cause that makes me sound like a fucking charity case." I huffed as I started getting up. Shane wrapped an arm around my waist pulling my back to his front. "Hey...hey you know that's not what I meant. What's going on with you this morning?" I leaned my head against his chest as I felt my eyes welling up again. "I'm sorry Shay I just. I dont know. I feel like I'm losing Daryl and that just cant happen. Last night I was supposed to go home after we got back from bowling and because I forgot I'm in a world of trouble." Shane took his head a bit as he ran his hands along my arms. "Why're you in trouble? It's not like this is the first time you've stayed the night at my place." I turned laying my face against his chest. "It's not like that. When Daryl was twelve his mother was burned to death in a house fire, she fell asleep smoking a cigarette. Daryl's dad didn't really care and Merle was in juvie at the time so he was left to deal with it on his own. Every year on the day she died we stay in together. I usually cook for us, we watch a movie whatever but I'm there on that day always. Well this year I wasn't I was here with you and Daryl is beyond pissed. I'm actually kind of wondering if I'm still going to have a place to live when I get home." Shane was slowly running his hand through my hair, "Hey hey don't talk like that you know you can always stay with me just as long as you need. 'Sides I may not be too fond of that redneck but I don't see him throwing you on the street over a fight." "I don't know anymore I really don't. We never used to fight like this now he's acting like he's my damn father or something. He always wants to know where I am, when I'll be home yadda yadda. I just don't know where all this is coming from all the sudden. I know I screwed up but he just went totally off the rails with some of the things he said about well about us. He's just not acting like the Daryl I've always know. I just don't know what to do anymore." Shane was still holding me tight against him as I pondered what my next move was going to be. "How about this..I wasn't going to hit the station today but I got some paperwork I could catch up on. You chill a bit, take my jeep, do what you gotta go at home and I'll meet you at Frankie's for dinner tonight." I smiled at him wondering how the hell we'd gone from where we started to being curled up in his arms in our pajamas. "Thank you Shane. I mean for putting up with me and all the baggage that comes along with me." Shane threw an evil smile my way, "Don't worry about it you can make it up to me this weekend." He kissed me sweetly before we both got up to get ready for the day. After we both changed I kissed him again as I grabbed his keys. "Thank you baby I'll see you at Frankies around seven." **

**I was spazing out as I drove home a little too fast, this was the last thing I needed. Casey was getting out of the system in a little over a week, Daryl and I were at each other's throats but everything was actually going good with Shane and I. Even though we were doing great the little voice in the back of my head kept telling me none of this would've happened if I hadn't started seeing Shane. Though at the same time Daryl was acting like a jealous husband except that he had no claim over me. As I was pulling Shane's jeep into our driveway I was shaking so bad I wasn't sure I was going to be able to walk into the trailer. I snuck out back quickly peeking into our window, the lights were out but I could see movement. Walking down the hallway toward our room felt like walking the green mile to me. I didn't have any idea what was waiting for me behind that door. I knew Daryl would never hurt me phsyically but one evil look from him could crush me and he knew that. After a few deep breaths I slowly opened the door and stopped dead. **


	7. F My Life

**My stomach dropped into my shoes as I felt the tears pooling in my eyes. Daryl, my Daryl the only person I could always tell everything to, the person who would always protect me from the world, was laying in bed with his arms behind his head and a blonde girl kneeling in front of him. I started sputtering as I saw Daryl's head fly up as he stared at me. I heard him call my name as I turned and ran toward Shane's jeep. I couldn't explain my reaction. I knew Daryl wasn't a virgin but he'd also never flaunted a woman around me before. Maybe it was the fight or the fact that he brought some random bar whore back to the room we shared. Whether his intent was to hurt me or not I still didn't know. By the time Daryl made it out the front door I was watching him through the rearview mirror as I drove away. Before I really thought about where I was going I was sitting in Shane's driveway sobbing my eyes out. I eventually walked around back and flopped onto a chair on the deck as I cried myself to sleep. I woke to a weird sound, my phone was going nuts as I dragged my hands over my face. The list of missed calls was a mile long and I had dozens of texts from Shane asking me what the fuck was going on. **

**I was not about to deal with Daryl so after letting myself into the house and splashing some water on my face I lit a cigarette out back and called Shane. He answered immediately asking if I was okay, what was going on, etc. "Whoa whoa baby calm down. What's up, why are you freaking out?" I could hear Shane trying to catch his breath on the other end. "Daryl showed up here about twenty minutes ago demanding I tell him where you're at. Said you took off like a bat outta hell. I thought you were going over there to work things out." I let out a dark chuckle. "Yeah well apparently I was the stupid one because I walked in ready to talk things out but Daryl was umm preoccupied I guess I'll say." He started sounding a little panicked again. "You alright J? I ain't really got much going on here I can meet you at my place in about twenty five minutes." "Don't rush Shay I'm at your place already. I took an unexpected little nap out back and I think I'm going to crawl back into bed for awhile so no reason to rush home." I could hear him tapping his desk trying to plan his next move. "Alright I'll finish up here and probably be back in about an hour. You gonna tell me what happened between y'all?" "Yes I'll fill you in when I wake up. I'm just lost I guess I don't know where to go from here. Forget it I'm babbling, I'll see you soon." "Alright I'll be home soon, hey I like saying that to you." I laughed lightly at his silliness, "Well I like hearing you talk, I'll see you soon baby." I hung up, and after stealing a pair of Shane's basketball shorts I crawled into bed, tossing my jeans on the dresser. **

**My mind wouldn't shut off as I laid there running everything over and over again in my head. It must have been that my body just gave up because the next thing I knew I was abruptly woken by a pounding at the front door. I stumbled down the stairs toward the door. My head was still a little fuzzy as I threw the door open, "Did you forget your keys baby?" I froze in my tracks as the smile fell off my face seeing Daryl standing in front of me. "Fuck off I've got nothing to say to you." He hung his head as he fidgeted with his hands. "Yeah I figured you'd say that. You gonna give me a chance to explain?" I was bouncing back and forth praying that Shane would come home quickly so I didn't have to have this conversation. "I don't really wanna hear what you call an explanation alright. I think I saw everything just fine. Now can you leave before Shane gets home?" Daryl braced himself on either side of the door as he leaned toward me, "Jenna this isn't how it's going to end. Let me talk to you. I know things ain't been good between us lately." I could feel the tears burning in my eyes as I looked up at the man who'd always been there for me, the man to who I owed the roof over my head. "I don't even know what to say to you Daryl. I think I could've handled just about anything but there was one of those fucking bar whores in our room, the room we share. I don't even know if I want to hear your explanation. I just don't know a lot right now I guess." I tried to hold strong but the tears started pouring down my face. Daryl pulled me into his arms even as I tried to push him away he wrapped his arms around me tightly as I cried. "Hey come on now calm down Jenna. It wasn't nothing I was just so mad I guess I saw red, I wasn't really thinking. I sure as hell didn't think you'd come home to find that." I was still whimpering into his shirt as I listened. Finally I looked up into those blue eyes I'd looked into a thousand times and decided to tell him the whole truth and nothing but the truth. "I can't lose you D. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm not letting Shane go but I can't lose you because of him and I. I know you're going to say I can't have my cake and eat it too but I know there has to be some way this can work. You know I love you but I don't know. I guess I just can't lose either of you, it would destroy me." He was running his hand over my hair as I tried to collect my thoughts. I was still whimpering softly as we sat down together on the front porch. Nothing was said for a while as I sat with my head laid against Daryl's chest willing myself to calm down. Then it happened I don't know why but suddenly his lips were on mine as I held back a moan. I'd always wondered how it would feel to kiss him and he was everything I thought he'd be. I caught myself before I got lost in my thoughts. **

**I slowly pushed Daryl away but as I did I heard a car door slam shut and suddenly Shane was charging toward us. I ran into Shane's path trying to head him off from getting to Daryl but it was no use, he shoved me to the side as he grabbed Daryl by the shirt hauling him to his feet. I'd lost my balance and toppled over when Shane shoved me so I was trying to scramble up off the floor before anyone drew blood. As I started toward them Shane was raging on at Daryl about treating me like dirt and how low it was to use my vulnerability to make a move on me when he knew I had a boyfriend. It was then I noticed the blood on the porch. I looked over the guys before calling out to them, "Hey who is fucking bleeding?" Both their heads whipped toward me as I saw fire flash in Daryl's eyes as Shane rushed toward me. "Aww hell lil' bird I'm sorry. Come on inside and get some ice." I reached toward my face as a dull pain hit me. Shane had smacked me in the face trying to get me away from Daryl. I numbly started letting Shane lead me into the house before I glanced back at Daryl. I pushed Shane's hands off my waist. "No I can't do this. I can't lose you two but I'm not dragging either of you down with me. I have to go." They both came at me about to say something. "No I have to go be by myself, alone. You two need to get away from each other before one of the neighbors calls Rick." Daryl came down the steps toward me as I backed away. "Here take the truck for now I've got my bike." I caught the keys easily and threw him a teary smile. I had no idea where I was going or when/if I was coming home as I pulled away from the two most important people in my life. I didn't have any food, clothes, I wasn't even wearing my own pants, nothing but my wallet and cellphone as I drove for hours. **


	8. My head's swimming

**It was getting dark when I finally pulled up to the metro juvenile correction center. I knew they weren't setting Casey lose for another week but I need to talk to someone about the disaster my life had become. It was too late for visitors so I found a little no tell motel and got a room for the night. Falling asleep wasn't really a choice as everything that happened hit me and I passed out. Some time during the night I became aware of an annoying repetitive sound I couldn't place. As I rolled over on the bed I saw my cell phone flashing brightly. Grabbing it without thinking or looking at my caller ID I heard a loud sigh, "Hello?" I asked tentatively. "Tell me your alright" I heard Shane say quietly. "I'm alright, if that's all you needed I'm going back to sleep." I huffed preparing to power down my phone. "Wait...wait J when are you coming home?" I flopped back down onto the bed knowing Shane wasn't going away that easy. "I don't know Shay. I guess I'll be back when I'm ready to come back." "Would you at least tell me where you are so I know you're okay?" I looked around quickly, "I'm not sure that's the greatest idea. I don't need you sending cops to my door to drag me back." He chuckled darkly. "How do you know I ain't tracing this call right now?" "I know because you're calling from your house phone not the station number." He laughed again, "Guess you got me there detective. Seriously Jenna when are you coming home?" The concern in his voice had me on the verge of tears as I squeaked back, "I don't know. I don't even know where my home is anymore. Daryl's not going to let me back, you're probably kicking me to the curb, so I just don't know." There was a heavy silence on the other end of the line as I gave up and let the tears flow. "You really think I'm dumping you because of all of this?" Shane asked quietly. Trying to catch my breath I between tears I mumbled, "I don't blame you Shay I really don't. Maybe I just won't come back I'll spring Casey and that'll be that." "What do you mean you're not coming back? For fucks sake Jenna just tell me where you are we can't do this over the phone." Shane barked at me. "No Shane I need to work this out without you two around. If and when I come back I'll call you I promise." I heard what sounded like a door slamming. "So that's it? I'm supposed to be sitting around watching my phone wondering if you're ever coming home? How's that fair to me or…..Daryl? I'm not pushing you or anything but we all have to settle this shit, all three of us." "You know what Shane I can't do this right now. I love you I'm so sorry." I started sobbing as I powered down my phone. **

**I realized that was the first time I ever said the l word to Shane. No matter what I said or did someone was going to get hurt in all of this. I wanted to talk to Daryl so bad, he always knew what to say to calm me down, tell me everything was going to be alright but I knew he wouldn't say that this time. I cried myself to sleep praying for daylight so I could talk to my Casey. He was going to jump down my throat about my bruised face and love triangle but I didn't care I needed someone to talk to about all this. Waking up at the crack of dawn I quickly showered before driving over to the correctional facility. It seemed to take forever to go through all the security bs before they showed me into the creepy little visitors room to wait. My legs were bouncing I was so excited and anxious. I dove on Casey as soon as I saw him only to be pulled away by a guard who informed me no pda's allowed. I sheepishly sat down with Casey as I giggled nervously. I could see fire in his eyes as he stared at me before motioning for a cigarette and huffing loudly as we both lit up. "So you gonna tell me why you're a week early and all busted up?" I took a long drag to settle my nerves before answering. "It's part of a very long story bud." He snickered softly as he looked around, "I got nothing but time sissy." I laughed lightly before checking how many smokes I had and buying a couple sodas from the machine and sitting down about to spill my messed up life to my brother. I thought about skimming over the gory details like catching Daryl with the whore in our room or Shane smacking me in the face but I figured what the fuck he might as well hear it from the horse's mouth. I knew Casey would never judge me but I also was never going to hear the end of this. I was about to start my fucked up tale when Casey burst out laughing. I couldn't figure it out until I noticed he was looking over my outfit, "Nice shorts sissy. You've gotten into basketball since I've been away?" I laughed kicking him under the table. "Shut it brat they're Shane's. I took off pretty quick I forgot my jeans and purse. Thank god I had my cell and wallet in my pocket. It's been a fucked up couple of days I don't even know where to start really. I've just made such a mess of my life and I have no idea how to fix any of it. You're never going to let me hear the end of this. I finally had an actual normal life you know job boyfriend cell phone, all the mundane bullshit I should have known it would blow up in my face. We were never meant to be normal, any of us." Casey took my hand as he said seriously. "Listen to me Jennifer Christina if any of us could have a normal life it's you. I mean hell you finished school, you have a job. Don't let this go to your head but you've made something out of yourself." "Yeah I'm a receptionist at an auto body shop with a GED." I spat back. "It's more than Zach or I got." I startled, "Wait what do you mean Zach? I talked to him two weeks ago and he said everything was going good. What do you know that I dont?" Casey was fidgeting in his chair, I knew that guilty look, he'd let something slip that he hadn't meant to. "Nothing I just meant school is hard for him that's all." Casey muttered. "Fuck you you're lying, your left eye squints when you lie." Casey sighed loudly he knew he couldn't lie to me. "You tell him I told you this and I'll kill you. He dropped out of school about four months ago. His foster parents are threatening to kick him out, throw him back into the system." "What? What the fuck, why wouldn't he tell me that? Why would he lie to me? I could try to help him out, talk to social services or something. Hell I could have asked Shane what to do, maybe there's something that could be done I don't know." Casey scoffed, "Yeah I'm sure officer Shane would love to help out." "You know what Casey shut up. I've been with Shane for more than a year and you have no idea the work he put in to help me find you lot after the accident. I can't believe I'm telling you this but I love him. He makes me a better person or want to be a better person I guess." He flopped back into his chair as his mouth hung open. "Wow never in a million years would've thought you'd be sitting here telling me you're in love with a cop. I figured you were gonna tell me you finally fucked Daryl and you're knocked up or something." I let out a small laugh. "You know it's not like that with Daryl and I, well it never was, now I don't fucking know." I laid my head on the table as I tried to suppress the urge to cry and scream all at once. **

**My whole life was crumbling around me and I didn't feel like I could do anything to stop it. "I just really don't know much of anything anymore I guess. My life went from pretty routine living with Shane a couple days a week, home with Daryl. Working, going out, normal everyday stuff to what the fuck in the course of twenty four hours. I fucked up I know that but there's got to be a way to fix everything. I can't lose them it would crush me." "Hey hey J slow down what are you talking about? You're just rambling, who are you going to lose?" Casey asked me with a concerned look on his face. I wiped away the tears I didn't realize I'd been crying as I let out a long sigh and lit up yet another cigarette. I smoked way too much when I was stressed. I let out a long exhale as I mulled over how to start. "We had a huge blow up today, Daryl, Shane and I. I was stupid I forgot about our day and Daryl was alone on his mom's anniversary. He called me to rip me a new one, I tried to apologize but he didn't want to hear it. Shance convinced me to talk it out with Daryl so I stupidly went home to try to smooth things over. I don't wanna go into detail but things weren't good when I got home. I took off back to Shane's everything went sideways from there. Daryl ended up going to the station looking for me, Shane was spazzing out. I fell asleep only to wake up to Daryl pounding on Shane's front door. He told me all this stuff about how he overreacted to me not being home, how things hadn't been good between us recently yadda yadda. I burst out crying and he uh..he kissed me." Casey's mouth fell open with a stupid smirk. "Wait, wait Daryl kissed you?" "Yeah." I mumbled sheepishly as I felt my face burning red. "Holy shit, what did you do?" "I just panicked I guess. At first I kissed him back but then I came to my senses and pushed him away. As I did Shane came charging out of his cruiser. That's how this happened." As I gestured to my bruised face I saw Casey getting fired up. "He fucking hit you? Really, knowing all the shit you've been through." "Case...hold on. It was an accident, I got between him and Daryl. He tried to shove me out of the way, it was just an accident and I know he feels terrible. Shane would never hurt me on purpose. I don't know I just snapped after that I started taking off. Really don't know where I thought I was going but Daryl tossed me the truck keys and now I'm here. I talked to Shane early this morning. Don't know if that was good or a bad thing. I finally told him I loved him, feel like shit doing it over the phone but oh well I guess if I don't go back at least he knows." "What do you mean if you don't go back, like back to King county?" **


	9. Oh f

I sat staring at the steering wheel for what seemed like hours. I wanted to talk to Daryl and Shane both so bad. All the talking with Casey had stirred up so much in my head and I was missing them both already. I was really wishing I hadn't told Shane I loved him over the phone, it was cowardly of me. I'd never really said that to anyone other than Casey and my little ones. I'd always told Daryl I loved him but I think I always meant it in a familial way not the way I felt for Shane. I can't say that Daryl always heard it that way especially after everything that had happened over the last twenty four hours. After driving through some greasy fast food joint I scarfed my food before finally powering my cell phone backup. The list of texts was a mile long, and I had missed calls from Shane, Daryl, Rick, and AJ (my boss). I listened to AJ's quickly feeling like an idiot that I didn't call or text him to let him know I was bugging out for a bit. I decided to quickly call him to apologize telling him it was a family emergency and promise to call him when I was home. As I was about to hang up I heard a gruff voice and what sounded like a struggle for the phone. Daryl sounded tired and out of breath, "Jenna?" My breath caught in my throat as his voice filtered through my brain, "Hey D." "You didn't answer my calls or anything."I held the tears at bay as best I could, "Yeah I powered down my phone last night just needed quiet to think. It wasn't personal just after Shane called I couldn't handle it anymore. I've been with Casey all day just trying to figure my head out." He chuckled lightly, "Damn you made it all the way to Columbus last night?" "Yeah wasn't intending it but before I knew it I was staring at the correctional facility." Daryl sighed deeply. "Listen Jenna….AJ back off man stop breathing down my neck...sorry." I laughed despite myself AJ was like an old woman when it came to gossip. "Anyway I'm not prying or anything but you know we're going to have to talk about all of this, all three of us." My stomach was doing somersaults as I fiddled with my keys. "I know I just need to get my brain straight first. I might stay out here a couple of days if you don't need the truck back right away. I'm pretty sure I'm coming home but I don't know." I could tell Daryl was pacing around AJ's small office. "Wait what'd you mean you think you're coming back?" "I don't know the thought crossed my mind to just spring Casey and take off. Someone's going to get hurt in all of this and I don't want that. I just don't know what to do, maybe it's best you both just forget about me. You'll both probably be better off. I mean I'm not sure yet I'm just thinking out loud I guess." Daryl sounded panicked as he stumbled over his words. "Jenna now I mean you're coming home. We're not forgetting shit. You, me and deputy do.. Shane need to talk this all over once and for all. If someone gets hurt that's life we can't just run away and pretend it all didn't happen. "I'm not saying pretend it didn't happen or maybe I am I don't know. My brain is so fucked up right now. All this crap with you and Shane. I mean I 've always been able to come to you with anything and you make it all alright but that can't happen now. If I stay with Shane I'll lose you and vice versa so what's pulling me back?"


End file.
